They might not even be aware they were doing it. While a male boss might think calling his subordinate "chief" is a way of being chummy, or rubbing elbows with the little people, it tends to come across with a patronizing tone. Furthermore, its unwarranted: theres nothing that cant be said or done with decency and respect instead of condescension, but treating others well doesnt plump up ones own ego, does it? This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. 28 September 2021. https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/07/03/how-to-deal-with-a-condescending-boss/?sh=8852f61523f3, https://hbr.org/2018/01/how-to-deal-with-a-passive-aggressive-boss, https://hbr.org/2014/12/the-right-way-to-bring-a-problem-to-your-boss, https://www.growthbusiness.co.uk/6-ways-counter-condescending-boss-2548689/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201802/dealing-difficult-boss, https://www.fastcompany.com/40411173/how-to-handle-your-bosss-condescension. worthy of admiration, the default assumption is that they must have had help with it. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Advertise | Privacy Policy, 17 Examples Of Condescending Remarks + Behavior, telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. Examples of this type of behavior can include: Being late for meetings or appointments without an acceptable excuse Displaying a lack of respect for colleagues, superiors, clients and customers This might seem like a no-brainer, but it happens more often than you'd think. It's true that in the repertoire of touching methods, "patting" acquaintances is a better option than "stroking," "smacking" or "pinching," and there are certain scenarios in which patting someone on the back or shoulder is entirely acceptable. They aren't very empathetic. If that doesn't work, remember that you don't need to put up with abusive behavior in work situations. Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. It is usually intended to make people feel bad . This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. If you disagree with their lifestyle choices, it's usually best to mind your own business. Say you're having a debate over politics and someone says, "Come on, you know better than that." Smile and respond with something positive. They want to make the other person seem like a childish idiot who doesnt know what theyre talking about or deserve any degree of respect or courtesy. There are all kinds of people who are unpleasant to be around-Debbie downers, complainers, jealous green monsters, mean-spirited snarks, and most anyone who wears neon sunglasses- but if you walk away from another person feeling worse about yourself, there's a good chance you've been dealing with a condescending person. So the chummy nicknames most people find condescending end up being pretty exclusionary, too. If you "actually" like something, you can just say you like it. You could say, Yeah, I totally get it how frustrating this is or Trust me, I get why this is so stressful., For example, if your boss tells you, I dont think you bothered to send the client information about the project, you could say, Ill double-check and send it over to them right now if they havent received it., If your boss directs their frustration about a company-wide problem towards you, redirect it with something like, I see how thats a problem. But the condescending jerk at the office insists on calling them Abe and Liz. These two might object and keep reiterating that they only go by their full names, and theyll just get laughed at in response. This page contains affiliate links. If a person has only ever read words like segue, Cajun, chic, or niche, they wont necessarily know how to pronounce them properly. Condescension can be a feature of the Mr. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-5.jpg\/aid12653730-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"
\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Instead, focus on staying as calm as you can. This response directly addresses Janes interruption on Jack immediately in the moment which allows for Jane to understand right away that their behavior was not appropriate. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep in mind that it is a purely professional situation. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. She was tired of the condescending tone he took when he discussed her fitness routine. Similar to the know-it-all, but different. Think You Have Trouble Hiring? Here, we point out some behaviors people say that typically don't land well and foster negativity. Each time they do so, they sound more and more ridiculous. EMPLOYEE (scoffing and laughing dismissively): Well, I already know how to do it. How do you respond to condescending remarks? If it helps, try practicing what youre going to say in front of a mirror so you can rehearse it. These are high-ranking board members, so we need to spoil them and not offer them whatever cheap crap you feed your kids after school. Leadership expert David Berkus has written that the technique is pulled from the improv comedy tradition, where the rule is never to say "No," but always, "Yes, and" At Pixar , practicing "plussing" means that when offering criticism, you do it in a direct way, but always follow with a constructive suggestion on how to remedy the issue. Saying: "You NEVER do this." "You ALWAYS do this." "I'm sorry you feel that way." "You need to calm down." "Take it easy!" Watch your body language when confronting someone: finger pointing, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or standing over the person while they are seated wont do you any favours in resolving the situation. I often find it a bit of a surprise as we have come such a long way. Remember that people will treat us how we allow them to treat us. LiquidPiston's patented thermodynamic cycle is making engineering history and they're taking investors while they do it. There are countless others, and although theyll be related to those mentioned here, theyll differ depending on your situation, culture, and so on. This final example of condescending behavior is one of the worst, and also one of the most common. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." Both coworkers prefer the long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such. A remark that trivializes your feelings, thoughts, experiences, or accomplishments, making you feel unimportant, invalidating your feelings or downplaying your accomplishments. They might be acting completely calmly and rationally, but are basically being toldalbeit indirectlyto shut up because theyre embarrassing themselves and everyone else. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Former UK prime minister David Cameron famously faced a backlash after telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. Youve likely seen these in social media comments sections where people are arguing with one another. By using our site, you agree to our. Heres How, Why Are Workers Quitting? The good news is that even if you feel powerless, you really arent. Nathan acted as if he was superior to everyone in the room, using condescending words in every conversation. People have a patronizing attitude and exhibit condescending behavior for different reasons, but usually, it boils down to insecurity and/or arrogance. Anyone could do that. JANE: He was stumbling. More often than not, people will assume that unless you talk about your knowledge of a subject on the regular, you dont have a clue about it. If someone says that a suggestion you have is actually a good idea, then theyre implying that everything you usually say is not. Try not to come off as sarcastic. Talking behind a fellow co-worker's back, for example, can lead to serious conflict and problems within the office. Do you not care? you could say, No, I heard you, I just wasnt able to get to it.. MANAGER: Could you've helped Jack in another way to give correct information? I don't think it was right for Jack to spread false information. This response allows you to take control of the situation, it also allows you to redirect the condescending nature of the employee. As an example, when my partner was working in a bookstore in her early twenties, a customer asked her if she could help them find a particular book. Ive seen this happen in work settings, but it can also happen in one-on-one situations as well as in groups. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. EMPLOYEE: Finally, Ive been waiting for you to tell me. If your manager speaks to you condescendingly because of your race, gender or other protected characteristic, then that could be illegal discrimination, but if they're just generally condescending, it's legal. We provide both training and coaching on the subjects of condescending and demeaning behavior. Not only is it demeaning, its frustrating and even dehumanizing. [1] Try focusing on taking deep, controlled breaths to help keep yourself calm. This expands upon the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone mid-sentence. In order to undermine another person or try to make them feel small, someone might call them a pet name such as sweetheart, sugar, darling, cupcake, sweetie, and so on. Flying off the handle only makes the other person believe that their behaviour is justified. 13 steps for handling condescending coworkers. This sort of "sigh, shame-on-you" comment can be used in all kinds of situations but is almost always seen as a condescending remark. He holds an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills. Consider following these steps when presented with such a scenario: 1. Also, be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. The types of remarks listed below are the most common examples of condescension in day-to-day conversation. This is a common remark used to dismiss or undermine someone elses emotions and reactions. It's up to you whether you want to apologize to Jack, but it sounds like an apology would help smooth things over with him. We touched upon how people who condescend toward others tend to be fiercely insecure. Not responding in the moment is a disservice to both yourself and your employees. Frank Blaney is a Certified Qigong and Tai Chi Instructor with over 15 years of teaching experience. If the belittling behaviour continues, however, its best to seek advice from a supervisor or another HR professional. People are entitled to their feelings and their reactions. JANE: Maybe he didn't practice his presentation enough? Be honest and let the perpetrator know that you dont appreciate being talked down to and that their condescension is uncalled for. Selective deafness is always an option. They usually feel weak and disempowered, so they try to make others feel small to prop themselves up. But if you feel the mistake was glaring enough that not correcting it would be like letting someone walk around with a giant shred of kale in their teeth (like, perhaps they're mispronouncing the name of a client), it's best to wait until they've finished their thought entirely. To patronize is defined as to support someone or something. If you disagree with someone's opinion, there's no problem with saying that directly. Impulsiveness Of Youth In Romeo And Juliet. Having some perspective can also make it easier for you to control your emotions and avoid getting upset by their words or actions. Even if you're doing something objectively bad for you-say, smoking a cigarette-when someone says, "Come on, you know better than that," it's such a parental rebuke that you'll probably relapse into adolescent "don't tell me what to do" mode and smoke more cigarettes to spite them. Youll often get this type of remark from someone who considers themselves to be more intelligent or well-educated than you are. For women in particular, being told to "Take it easy" is peak patronizing. Finding yourself in this situation is annoying, because the other person has, for whatever reason, assumed that you don't possess the same knowledge, and sometimes emotional intelligence, they do. EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. I enjoyed it. Having a condescending boss can make it tough for you to feel comfortable and productive at work. This article has been viewed 32,305 times. While it may sound obvious, remembering that the condescending behavior is not personal to you as the manager is very important. JANE: Yes. It implies that the other person is being melodramatic or otherwise emotionally unstable, thus invalidating anything they have to say. New Reasons for the Labor Shortage, Do You Know How to Have Conversations That Convert? Also,be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. Copyright @ Australian HR Institute. To avoid sounding condescending or superior, work on staying humble. Someone will just jump in and offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. For example, were you to tell someone, "You're always late," or, "You never clean the toilet," they're likely to feel as if you're making a definitive statement about who they are and will almost certainly rack their brains for contradictory evidence. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. To demean someone is to insult them. I understand that the data I am submitting will be used to provide me with the above-described products and/or services and communications in connection therewith. Although its tempting to give the offender a piece of your mind, remaining calm is the best response. This response is often directed toward women, particularly in work or post-secondary environments. A condescending person might say something like, "Well, I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong." 2 They may be trying to prove how smart they are. Unprofessional behavior can include a variety of behaviors, most of which are considered improper in a professional setting. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. And honestly, there's not much difference between 25 and 27 percent. By What does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace? Check Out: Rewire: Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior , $10, Amazon 1. Ignoring the perpetrator is often the best approach. Example 1 EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. Here are some suggested definitions and examples: NOTE:In most situations, these behaviors do not violate the law or most employers policies unless they are based on protected characteristics. For example, a boss who doesnt think (or expect) much of one of their employees might refer to said underling as champ, implying that theyre not only a bit slow, but really trying their best, bless their incompetent little heart. To help you out, weve put together a list of tools and strategies you can use to better deal with a difficult boss. For example, examples of condescending behavior may include telling you to dress, eat, speak or walk in a particular manner. MANAGER: And what would have been the impact of that alternative approach? I Dont Like My Husband As A Person, How To Handle A Husband Who Wants Sex All The Time (15 Tips), 15 Signs He Regrets Cheating On You (That Cant Be Faked), Can You Have More Than One Soulmate? The goal is to keep undermining the others, and if they complain about this behavior, theyll be seen as petulant instead of fun coworkers who accept these pet names good naturedly. Answer (1 of 12): When I started out in my last job, I needed to network with the sales and marketing and other teams pretty quickly and soon encountered a few colleagues who had been working there for many years - sometimes 10+ years. And Jack probably wouldn't be mad at me; I sense something is wrong in the last few days. 3. These people will often talk about things like the expensive meals they had recently, then express sympathy at the fact that others around them probably dont even know what X is (like beluga caviar or Kobe beef), let alone know what it tastes like. MANAGER: Jane, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his interaction with the customer. By understanding the different types of workplace behaviors employees may have, managers can help their teams increase performance and complete work tasks more effectively. During one-on-one with Jane MANAGER: When you interrupted Jack during his presentation, how did that affect his presentation? Anyone with a shred of self-awareness will take that cue to track down the right pronunciation, and if they don't bother, then going forward, it's not worth your time to correct them anyway. Their education is pretty much all they have going for them, so they use it as a weapon whenever they feel threatened. True comment, they get what they deserve, Im totally in agreement. This is particularly true for condescending people in positions of authority. If your boss says, I just dont understand how you couldnt get this done. Sometimes, they also tend to make unnecessary noise so they can cover up their ignorance. Here are some examples of their behavioral patterns. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. They might not even be aware they were doing it. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. No matter who you're speaking to, when you tell someone to "Take it easy," you're suggesting that their excitement, concern or general response to something is either excessive or invalid. Examples of Condescending Remarks You might notice condescending speech and behavior in someone like this. Maybe we could make it a new policy so everyone is on the same page.. Most women have had a man tell her to "relax" because he perceives her reaction as inappropriately emotional-when in fact, she doesn't feel she's responding emotionally at all. Most condescending behaviors can be handled with direct professional communication. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved.
\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Did you not hear me? EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Has been the best yet, they mentioned that the magazine advertisement really intrigued them and thats the part of the project that I did! As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). You can also help to avoid it by fostering an environment that discourages gossip, making jokes about coworkers, etc. The fast-talking 'Suits' attorney has a lot to say about what it takes to succeed in business and life. We'll be in your inbox every morning Monday-Saturday with all the days top business news, inspiring stories, best advice and exclusive reporting from Entrepreneur. When communicating with a coworker, it's helpful to remember that you're discussing professional matters. EMPLOYEE: (Its taken forever, I've been waiting all week to hear back.). wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Thats the entire intention, really. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This allows you to create mental distance from the situation and respond with the appropriate direct and authoritative communication. A more appropriate response could be I dont appreciate the way youre speaking with me, your manner seems quite patronising to me. You may also know them as snide remarks, snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic. Yesterday, 6:50 am. 6. Every workplace contains a wide variety of people who behave in different ways. The company VP was horrified. These Sisters Quit Their Jobs Mid-Pandemic to Risk It All for Their Brand. For example, if your child is making a mess of their toys, you can take a toy away to incentivize them to pick them up next time. This response was given outside of direct observation of the behavior so as not to focus on Jane in front of the team. Plus, those nicknames are almost always gender-exclusive; a male boss isn't going to call his female employee "chief" (and hopefully in 2022 he knows not to call any woman besides his wife "honey"). Some perfect examples of this would be people who choose not to follow the same spiritual paths as older family members or those who decide on a career path that only garners disapproval. 2. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Cracking Jokes At The Wrong Time There is a time and place for humormost times and most places, in fact. Ideally, you will have supporting evidence such as condescending emails to back up your claims. MANAGER: Which of the two assessments would you prefer, if you could repeat them? Steps to deal with condescension at work {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg\/aid12653730-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"
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